The First Taste

       Red tiled roofs. A deep orange and cherry red sunset swirled up in the sky, gleaming on the surface of the glimmering Caspian Sea. That's all I was able to take in from the blurry airplane window, and I shifted excitedly in my seat as I anticipated walking out into this unfamiliar place.
       The worst part is waiting for everyone to unload. No one else seems to have the drive, the hurry, the strong desire to burst out of the confined space and finally pursue a dream. Inch by inch, I scoot closer to the exit until finally I'm out. It was a small plane and airport, the terminal unloaded outside and we were to get onto a little bus to take us inside.
       My first impression was the smell. I wasn't sure if it was just the airport or not, but the essence of cigarette smoke lingered everywhere (later insight: it wasn't just the airport. Cigarettes are crazy cheap there so it is super common to smoke there, and smoke a lot.). We packed onto the bus, being hurried along by the adults who probably had no more idea where we were going than us teenagers, and eventually we got through the area where they take your picture (I don't know, to prove you're in the country?) with super strict and scary-seeming airport employees, and we walked the short distance to one of two luggage disposal round abouts.
       After collecting our bags, I conformed to where the group was heading- out the doors. Apparently I missed a hello from one of the Azerbaijani coordinators, a sweet lady named Sevinj. We were brought to this bus that happened to perfectly fit our 20-odd group, and the driver took on the task of loading our bags while we tried to take in everything around us. Granted, the view was limited, being in the parking lot of an airport, but it was already amazing.
       Buildings were shaped amazingly. Right next to us there was a dome building, still in the process of being put together, but intriguing nonetheless. The airport from the outside was gorgeous- it looked like it was pieced together with toothpicks, and I don't say that in a way as in "it looked cheap," I mean it literally looks like giant toothpicks were strategically placed together, and the inner glow gave a pleasing affect. I noticed an Azerbaijani flag majestically waving a few lots away. I felt a swell of emotions.
      Some were tired and just wanted to get to the hotel we were to spend our first night in, but besides the practically 40 straight hours of no sleep, I just wanted to drive everywhere and see the city. The hotel was about half an hour away, and the entire trip I rode in silence, gazing out the window and watching the city fly by.
      One word: lights. Lights everywhere. Not just classic, yellow-ish lights, but neon, colors, sparkles. The amazing part was how classy it was, nothing like the tacky showiness of Las Vegas but gorgeous, magical.
     It's difficult to describe just how eccentric and wondrous the city is. I can't forget the sensation of flying, the desire to feign blinking so I could take advantage of every single second of feasting upon the sights of Baku. But we arrived at the hotel, were split into groups of 4 and sent to our rooms with instructions to where breakfast would be in the morning. But really, who was listening to that?
      We lugged our bags to our rooms, the tiny elevator being useless as it held about one or two, but our room being only a couple floors up it wasn't an issue. Heck, I wouldn't have cared if I was on the top floor.
      It took us a while to settle down. The adult instructors brought us snacks, not having had a meal in quite a while (I didn't even have considerations about eating with everything going on), and it was about 3 am until we were all thankfully showered, and laying down I didn't really want to sleep. I wanted to go out. But when I closed my eyes, it took approximately 3.7 seconds until sleep hit.

So far, nothing super foreign. I was a bit disappointed, honestly. I didn't know what to expect at all, but on that first night, it was fairly western seeming. Was this really going to be extravagantly adventurous?
   

Washington DC- first step.

          Today marks the day I've momentarily decided to continue towards my goal of completing this blog. I'm terribly sorry for the delay, and I could give you a whole ton of excuses but it all boils down to this: My experience in Azerbaijan was absolutely and monumentally the best time I've ever had in my life. And when I came home I have to say I suffered from not only a slight personality change from everything I saw, but I also spent about the next month in quite a depressed state.
          You see, I met amazing people there. I saw fascinating sights, tasted incredible food, went on unusual adventures. But the people. I wouldn't change a thing about that trip, other than the fact I wished I'd reached out even more to people. Made more connections, heard more stories. Even now, several months after the trip, I'm longing to hear from more people and make more friends.
         However, I'll save the sappy stuff for later on, but trust me, it'll be there. But before you start thinking I'm overly emotional even today, let me start with the actual trip. The adventure begins in Washington D.C...
          The flight there was a wasted five hours of me being too excited to actually accomplish any goal I had- summer homework, writing in my journal, listening to some music I downloaded for the trip. Instead it was me squirming in my seat, awkwardly sitting next to one of the adults on the trip (there were two from my state) and another boy whom I didn't know the name of, people I would spend the next 21 days with across the world.
         Although I had been on a plane several times before, it seemed like the whole experience was new. I was inhaling that musky-clean smell of airplanes, shifting on the too stiff navy blue chair, staring about in wonder at the passengers, the flight attendants with their drink trays, and noncommittally watching the shows the flight provided for entertainment.
         We were landing, we were driving to the terminal, we were exiting the plane. The worst moment when flying somewhere you're anxious to go is when you're waiting for the airplane doors to open, waiting for people to get their bags in the overhead compartment and you just want to barrel through the aisle and break out of the doors into the new, unexplored place.
         That moment was prolonged for us Arizonians, all hungry for sustenance and new sights, because the kids from Washington arrived an hour later. And when we all took a bus to our hotel before we could get any sort of dinner plan out of the way, you could pick the Arizonians out from the group based on the "Wow look how green it is!" and "I JUST SAW A REAL DEER" comments.
        I'll skip the part about unpacking and the awkward shift to becoming friendly with new people. A lot of the kids knew people on the trip already, or had made friends on the trip over. But there was a few like myself who didn't have an acquaintance in sight, which I preferred. Getting to know new people and being able to start off from the get-go as the person I wanted to be was like a dream.
         Dinner passed, a couple introductory sessions were held in a conference room within the hotel, and things were looking up. There was no severely weird moments between anyone because this was a leadership trip, designed to meet new people. I liked the fact entering a group of chatting people and just joining in was completely normal and quite expected. It was easy to fall asleep that night, and it's crazy to think that at 5 am that morning I had left the comfort of my own house on this journey of a lifetime.
        But that night I also thought of how long the next day and a half was going to be, a day and a half to anxiously wait the moment we would travel to the international section of the airport.

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         The next day was travelling to and from American Councils in the heart of Washington D.C, as well as being able to see the tourist sights and important buildings. Making friends was my favorite part, however, getting to know my peers was most memorable. But for someone who had not seen Washington DC, it was beautiful. I was never interested in the historical and political importance of this city, but after seeing the monuments and recognizing how much history they signified, even I got the chills. It truly is a gorgeous city, and I'd very much like to see it again. However, I wasn't unhappy to go back to the hotel that night, for in the morning we would be repacking. And going to the country of fire.

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         Groggy-eyed, mildly chattering, stomachs fluttering with nerves- we spent the morning at the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum as we stalled for time until it was appropriate to go to the airport. Let me be quite honest here. We all walked around a bit. But most of the time was spent in the McDonald's and the gift shop. None of us particularly knowing what kind of food they had in Azerbaijan, and our questions on the matter never being directly answered, McDonald's was quite a comfort.
         I don't remember the bus ride to the airport. I don't remember checking in, going through security. I hardly remember walking around the airport for about two hours, last-second charging devices, looking at the vendors, mentally praying I didn't forget anything. I don't remember boarding the plane, finding seats, the mandatory pre-departure safety information. But goodness gracious, I remember the plane taking off. I think that was the point I realized there was no return. I managed to get an all-expense paid trip to a country I hadn't the faintest idea about.
        .... WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING? WHY DID I DO THIS? I DON'T GO ON ADVENTURES, I STAY AT HOME AND THINK ABOUT IF MY LIFE WAS COOL. I READ BOOKS. I GO TO THE MALL. I DON'T PUT MYSELF OUT THERE!
         Airplane rides aren't bad when you begin to make friends. Throughout the course of that 8-hour flight, I secured a friendship with a boy named Stephen and a girl named Tinley. We didn't know it yet, but we were going to form a fantastic friendship that became inseparable.
         We had to change planes in the Frankfurt airport. Hanging out there was fun, it was our first taste (ish) of a different culture. I mean, as much as an international section can get. Which, admittedly, isn't that much. The signs were in German, but English was still commonly spoken. But to teens new to this whole different country idea, it was fascinating and exciting and brilliant.
         And then we boarded for our final four-hour flight to Azerbaijan. By this time, the euphoria had somewhat died down and I just wanted to be done with travel. I was sat next to a stranger, who I did have a pleasant conversation with, I was exhausted from the almost 30 hour nonstop travelling, and I was nervous to what the next few weeks had in store. I just wanted to be on the ground, in a bed, and sleeping my concerns away.
         And then we began to land. And I got my first glimpse of the country I fell absolutely in love with.

An interesting part about the airplane meal I had on the flight from Frankfurt to Baku- it was super good. Plus this tray was unusual to me, it was plastic and they gave us real silverware. And look at the little tea cup! I was also incredibly excited over the fact there was two desserts- a little key lime pie piece and a chocolate disc (the lady next to me gave me hers and my day was made). This was a good first impression on me for what to expect, however I later realized the airplane food was a terrible way to make a first impression so I erased that thought from my mind. 

Last meal in America- the American way!

Ready, Set, Go

I had a phone interview at 2 pm . So, since my mother is awesome, I was pulled out of school early and spent an hour pacing my kitchen, shaking and not knowing what to expect.

The phone rang. 

And it began. I couldn't tell you their exact questions, or my exact answers, even if I wanted to remember. Although my mom afterwards said I sounded confident, I must say I felt anything but. Some of my answers took me a while to actually come out. They asked some difficult questions, and I had never been good at coming up with good answers on the spot. So, embarrassed as I am to say it, I did actually ask them to just hang on for a bit as I thought of answers. I know my voice faltered more as I became consumed with my own lack of confidence, however I pulled through in the end and felt like I did a reasonable job. 

There was only one problem. It was January. They gave out final results "sometime in March". 

And the waiting began. 

••••

Those next two months were torture. Day after day, month after month of waiting for that final email. 

And on a boring March day, I got it. And I made it. Looking back, I only waited 5 months to get the news, but it seemed like 5 years. I found out at school, knowing the semi-finalists would get the results that afternoon I impatiently waited for lunch, ran to the library where I could access my email, and, with my friends behind me, I shakily clicked on the email from the program. 

I didn't take time to prep myself then, like you read in the books. I didn't have a personal reflection moment to think "What happens if I don't make it?" with closed eyes and a deep breath. No, I opened the message with a smash of my finger that hurt, and hastily my eyes consumed the words before me. 

"Congratulations, Marissa..."

I didn't need to read the rest. Not then, anyway. Only half processed the information, I think I logged out and walked trace-like out of the library, friends following behind wondering what had happened but too afraid of me receiving rejection to say anything. ... Okay, actually, I ran. As soon as I hit the hall, I booked it towards the outside where I could call my mom with the news. 

"I made it."

"... What?"

"I'm going to Azerbaijan."

And with that, a huge grin spread across my face. It was actually coming true. My ultimate dream, anyone's ultimate dream, of going across the world to host families and culture and adventure for free. And at that moment, I realized how destroyed I would've been, how disappointed I would've felt, if I didn't make it. 

And then came the waiting to leave. Getting shots, new glasses and clothes- it was really exciting. I was able to tell people of my amazing summer plans and see the awe in their faces as I explained where Azerbaijan was. I read mountains of information, put their national flag as my screensaver, and later became friends with some amazing people I knew could easily become my best friends. I got my host family assignment, with a family outside the program, and I wondered what they would be like.  

And this is where my story really begins. Today, I traveled to Washington DC, my first time anywhere farther east than Michigan, on the pre-orientation for Azerbaijan. The real story begins now. 

The Semi-Finalist Meeting

Like a trooper, my mom drove me to an unfamiliar campus as the sun was setting, and said she'd wait outside the room during the meeting. I entered the conference room, seeing other teenagers probably feeling exactly as I did. Knowing this trip was dedicated to the ideas of leadership, I correctly assumed that these kids would not be intimidated by my instant "hello" and smile, and I sat next to the two closest to the door. 

As the rest of semi-finalists showed up, about 20 in all, the program instructors explained that during this meeting, all of us would be judged for our leadership abilities. They didnt pretend that it was going to be a relaxed experience we didnt need to worry about, and I felt myself shift so my nametag was displayed clearly. 

So we entered the presenting part. We introduced ourselves, and I felt a rush of excitment when I was able to make them all laugh with a little comment as I introduced myself, remembering to go slow, as I have a habit of talking super fast. 

This was a new experience for me. Not going to lie, I was, and still am, a rather shy person. Its always been hard for me to express myself, and crowds of four or more made me nervous. Before I forced myself to get out there and be outgoing, I blushed every time I presented anything. Even saying my name on the first day of school (yes, something that simple) made my face go an awful cherry-red color. I shake, I sweat, and I stutter, but as I entered this, I became a new person. I was not going to let stage fright come between me and an opportunity to go across the world for free. 

The rest of the night, my transformation continued. We were split into groups and given scenarios we were supposed to come up with solutions to, and then one group member was asked to present these ideas. Twice, out of the four times, I presented in my group, and that by itself was a good way of putting myself out there. This was the first time I spoke in front of a crowd (of about 30 people) without blushing and without stuttering. By the end of the night, I was feeling good about that day, and left with a new determination I had never experienced. 

I had a new dream, and I was determined.

The Results

Well, the possibility of the Azerbaijan trip was pushed behind the school work, marching band competitions, and friends I was involved in. Not that I forgot about it- As much as I didn't want to get too excited, honestly expecting failure, I dreamed about flying for hours and entering a new land, so culturally different that it'd be like I was in a different world. Maybe I was under the influence of Harry Potter, Thor, and other movies or books where there was completely separate worlds. I love the idea that there are so many places that I can't fathom- so many people to meet, so many ideas to hear, and so many new things to try. When you think about how big the world is, and how little the average person is able to discover, there's a world of possibilities that made me giddy with the prospect that I could start my personal discovery of the world this year.

Out of the compulsive habit I had created within the past couple months, I checked my email one afternoon after school, like I had all the other afternoons. And my heart skipped a beat when I saw an email from the program. Without preparing myself mentally, I clicked on the email and devoured the contents, hardly being able to read fast enough. 

I was a semi-finalist. 

Half not expecting it, half already bouncing off the walls, I ran to my mom and told her. A little spark caught in her eyes, and a note of surprise was in her voice when she congratulated me. However, she didn't complain when I told her she needed to take me to a college half an hour away, and when I said I had to have a phone interview as well. 

That night I went to bed with nothing but excitement and nervousness- this is when the competition became more fierce. 

Continuing with the contest

I knew it was a slim chance. Besides, how was I supposed to convince my mother about letting me go to a country across the world? And let's just be honest here, the location to closed-minded Americans such as the majority of conservative Mesa, where I'm from, isn't ideal. In Eurasia instantly means it's war-torn and dangerous, apparently. 

Before I even began to work through my argument, I checked out the website. Trying to catch my hopes before they shot through the roof, I started filling out the entry form. I wouldnt send it without permission, of course, however I wanted to see how much I had a chance of being selected, based on how well I thought I answered. Several short essays, questionaires, and of course, personal contact requirements later, I reached the 'Enter' button on the screen. 

With a deep breath, I approached my mom who was making dinner and absent mindingly watching television as she went. 

"Mom, can I enter a contest to go to Azerbaijan?"

No point in beating around the bush. The question out, I watched her intently, trying my best to look sincere and hopeful. 

"Sure, go ahead."

Not what I was expecting. I was braced for a harsh 'no', or even just a huge bout of questions. I explained what the contest was, that I was pretty sure it was free (for I still was wondering if there was hidden costs or something), and I also told her that I had a small chance of making it, since I was sure there would be tons of applicants. 

I could tell she didnt put much investment into her answer, and I knew it was because she thought the chances were small that I would make it. I mean, we didnt know what I was up against: A huge crowd of excellent writers? Tons of much more successful teens who were actively involved in the community, which I, admittedly, was not? No matter, I pressed the 'Enter' button on my screen and that was that. I wouldnt be recieving information for a couple months, so I put the whole contest in the back of my mind, and slowly, I began to forget about it. 

Discovering Azerbaijan

When I entered my sophomore year last August I didn't fathom for a second that I would be getting involved in an exchange program that would change my life quite extremely, as well as take up hours of day dreaming and planning. I had always dreamed of travelling to far away countries full of cultural differences and adventures. But coming from a modest family who managed to take a hit when the housing market declined, I always knew it'd be impossible to afford. So I made do with making friends from different cultures and learning what I could from them.

But around October of 2012, I had a presentation from two students and a nice lady in my english class. It was for a foreign exchange program- and they were sending ten students to a country called Azerbaijan. (Azerbai what?)

At this point I stopped listening. I knew I couldnt afford something like this, and I didnt want to get falsely excited for something I knew would never happen. But then the woman said the magic word.

Free.

I know, I know. Sounds crazy. I didnt believe her either, but it did catch my interest. I had never heard of this country- and after she caught my full attention I learned it was directly to the left of the Caspian Sea, bordered by Turkey, Georgia, and Iran.

I wrote down the website where you applied, and immediatly a flood of excitement flowed through me. Little did I know that I was about to get involved in the most emotion-provoking, intense, and exciting experience of my life.