Ready, Set, Go

I had a phone interview at 2 pm . So, since my mother is awesome, I was pulled out of school early and spent an hour pacing my kitchen, shaking and not knowing what to expect.

The phone rang. 

And it began. I couldn't tell you their exact questions, or my exact answers, even if I wanted to remember. Although my mom afterwards said I sounded confident, I must say I felt anything but. Some of my answers took me a while to actually come out. They asked some difficult questions, and I had never been good at coming up with good answers on the spot. So, embarrassed as I am to say it, I did actually ask them to just hang on for a bit as I thought of answers. I know my voice faltered more as I became consumed with my own lack of confidence, however I pulled through in the end and felt like I did a reasonable job. 

There was only one problem. It was January. They gave out final results "sometime in March". 

And the waiting began. 

••••

Those next two months were torture. Day after day, month after month of waiting for that final email. 

And on a boring March day, I got it. And I made it. Looking back, I only waited 5 months to get the news, but it seemed like 5 years. I found out at school, knowing the semi-finalists would get the results that afternoon I impatiently waited for lunch, ran to the library where I could access my email, and, with my friends behind me, I shakily clicked on the email from the program. 

I didn't take time to prep myself then, like you read in the books. I didn't have a personal reflection moment to think "What happens if I don't make it?" with closed eyes and a deep breath. No, I opened the message with a smash of my finger that hurt, and hastily my eyes consumed the words before me. 

"Congratulations, Marissa..."

I didn't need to read the rest. Not then, anyway. Only half processed the information, I think I logged out and walked trace-like out of the library, friends following behind wondering what had happened but too afraid of me receiving rejection to say anything. ... Okay, actually, I ran. As soon as I hit the hall, I booked it towards the outside where I could call my mom with the news. 

"I made it."

"... What?"

"I'm going to Azerbaijan."

And with that, a huge grin spread across my face. It was actually coming true. My ultimate dream, anyone's ultimate dream, of going across the world to host families and culture and adventure for free. And at that moment, I realized how destroyed I would've been, how disappointed I would've felt, if I didn't make it. 

And then came the waiting to leave. Getting shots, new glasses and clothes- it was really exciting. I was able to tell people of my amazing summer plans and see the awe in their faces as I explained where Azerbaijan was. I read mountains of information, put their national flag as my screensaver, and later became friends with some amazing people I knew could easily become my best friends. I got my host family assignment, with a family outside the program, and I wondered what they would be like.  

And this is where my story really begins. Today, I traveled to Washington DC, my first time anywhere farther east than Michigan, on the pre-orientation for Azerbaijan. The real story begins now. 

The Semi-Finalist Meeting

Like a trooper, my mom drove me to an unfamiliar campus as the sun was setting, and said she'd wait outside the room during the meeting. I entered the conference room, seeing other teenagers probably feeling exactly as I did. Knowing this trip was dedicated to the ideas of leadership, I correctly assumed that these kids would not be intimidated by my instant "hello" and smile, and I sat next to the two closest to the door. 

As the rest of semi-finalists showed up, about 20 in all, the program instructors explained that during this meeting, all of us would be judged for our leadership abilities. They didnt pretend that it was going to be a relaxed experience we didnt need to worry about, and I felt myself shift so my nametag was displayed clearly. 

So we entered the presenting part. We introduced ourselves, and I felt a rush of excitment when I was able to make them all laugh with a little comment as I introduced myself, remembering to go slow, as I have a habit of talking super fast. 

This was a new experience for me. Not going to lie, I was, and still am, a rather shy person. Its always been hard for me to express myself, and crowds of four or more made me nervous. Before I forced myself to get out there and be outgoing, I blushed every time I presented anything. Even saying my name on the first day of school (yes, something that simple) made my face go an awful cherry-red color. I shake, I sweat, and I stutter, but as I entered this, I became a new person. I was not going to let stage fright come between me and an opportunity to go across the world for free. 

The rest of the night, my transformation continued. We were split into groups and given scenarios we were supposed to come up with solutions to, and then one group member was asked to present these ideas. Twice, out of the four times, I presented in my group, and that by itself was a good way of putting myself out there. This was the first time I spoke in front of a crowd (of about 30 people) without blushing and without stuttering. By the end of the night, I was feeling good about that day, and left with a new determination I had never experienced. 

I had a new dream, and I was determined.

The Results

Well, the possibility of the Azerbaijan trip was pushed behind the school work, marching band competitions, and friends I was involved in. Not that I forgot about it- As much as I didn't want to get too excited, honestly expecting failure, I dreamed about flying for hours and entering a new land, so culturally different that it'd be like I was in a different world. Maybe I was under the influence of Harry Potter, Thor, and other movies or books where there was completely separate worlds. I love the idea that there are so many places that I can't fathom- so many people to meet, so many ideas to hear, and so many new things to try. When you think about how big the world is, and how little the average person is able to discover, there's a world of possibilities that made me giddy with the prospect that I could start my personal discovery of the world this year.

Out of the compulsive habit I had created within the past couple months, I checked my email one afternoon after school, like I had all the other afternoons. And my heart skipped a beat when I saw an email from the program. Without preparing myself mentally, I clicked on the email and devoured the contents, hardly being able to read fast enough. 

I was a semi-finalist. 

Half not expecting it, half already bouncing off the walls, I ran to my mom and told her. A little spark caught in her eyes, and a note of surprise was in her voice when she congratulated me. However, she didn't complain when I told her she needed to take me to a college half an hour away, and when I said I had to have a phone interview as well. 

That night I went to bed with nothing but excitement and nervousness- this is when the competition became more fierce. 

Continuing with the contest

I knew it was a slim chance. Besides, how was I supposed to convince my mother about letting me go to a country across the world? And let's just be honest here, the location to closed-minded Americans such as the majority of conservative Mesa, where I'm from, isn't ideal. In Eurasia instantly means it's war-torn and dangerous, apparently. 

Before I even began to work through my argument, I checked out the website. Trying to catch my hopes before they shot through the roof, I started filling out the entry form. I wouldnt send it without permission, of course, however I wanted to see how much I had a chance of being selected, based on how well I thought I answered. Several short essays, questionaires, and of course, personal contact requirements later, I reached the 'Enter' button on the screen. 

With a deep breath, I approached my mom who was making dinner and absent mindingly watching television as she went. 

"Mom, can I enter a contest to go to Azerbaijan?"

No point in beating around the bush. The question out, I watched her intently, trying my best to look sincere and hopeful. 

"Sure, go ahead."

Not what I was expecting. I was braced for a harsh 'no', or even just a huge bout of questions. I explained what the contest was, that I was pretty sure it was free (for I still was wondering if there was hidden costs or something), and I also told her that I had a small chance of making it, since I was sure there would be tons of applicants. 

I could tell she didnt put much investment into her answer, and I knew it was because she thought the chances were small that I would make it. I mean, we didnt know what I was up against: A huge crowd of excellent writers? Tons of much more successful teens who were actively involved in the community, which I, admittedly, was not? No matter, I pressed the 'Enter' button on my screen and that was that. I wouldnt be recieving information for a couple months, so I put the whole contest in the back of my mind, and slowly, I began to forget about it. 

Discovering Azerbaijan

When I entered my sophomore year last August I didn't fathom for a second that I would be getting involved in an exchange program that would change my life quite extremely, as well as take up hours of day dreaming and planning. I had always dreamed of travelling to far away countries full of cultural differences and adventures. But coming from a modest family who managed to take a hit when the housing market declined, I always knew it'd be impossible to afford. So I made do with making friends from different cultures and learning what I could from them.

But around October of 2012, I had a presentation from two students and a nice lady in my english class. It was for a foreign exchange program- and they were sending ten students to a country called Azerbaijan. (Azerbai what?)

At this point I stopped listening. I knew I couldnt afford something like this, and I didnt want to get falsely excited for something I knew would never happen. But then the woman said the magic word.

Free.

I know, I know. Sounds crazy. I didnt believe her either, but it did catch my interest. I had never heard of this country- and after she caught my full attention I learned it was directly to the left of the Caspian Sea, bordered by Turkey, Georgia, and Iran.

I wrote down the website where you applied, and immediatly a flood of excitement flowed through me. Little did I know that I was about to get involved in the most emotion-provoking, intense, and exciting experience of my life.